Exactly one year ago, I got a phone call from a girl… not a friend, not even an acquaintance.
Have you heard from him?
I knew this phone call, and I knew that tone of voice. Because I’ve almost made that phone call a thousand times.
No, I haven’t heard from him, but I can check on him if you’d like.
So I text him- he’s alive (that was always my first worry); he’s watching the football game with his family.
I let her know, and then she tells me… everything, basically.
See, I get really attached to people. That whole group had such a special place in my heart. I would have done anything for them. So when I heard what this girl had done, I cried. I cried for a friend who now had to deal with this horrible situation she had put themselves in.
For selfish reasons, I was glad. Because this person had come back into my life. The few months following were just a blur… a blur of fancy restaurants and tequila nights and afternoons playing GTA, hitting literally every restaurant in Brea (but never souplantation- I still can’t go in there), Laker games, and Friendsgiving dinners where people definitely noticed that we were really close.
Then in January, my world fell apart. I was destroyed by a man with whom I thought I would be spending my life. I was fed lies for two weeks while he gallivanted (read: cheated) with another woman.
He thought he was protecting me by not telling me the truth. Each new secret he eventually told me ripped my heart up a little more, but he was there to patch me back up.
So, just as I helped him pick up his pieces, he helped me pick up mine.
Somewhere around, oh I don’t know, April 4, things changed. Cue the roller coaster that was the next four months. Things changed, I thought, for the better. And we sat on that park bench, me with no jacket, him with his cologne that smells like axe, just talking. Getting a cold and being sick for the next week was completely worth it.
We fought and yelled and made up more times than I can count. But this one was different- because each fight, he would let me yell, never once hanging up on me- he tried his best to listen. Because after getting so mad, he was the only person who could make me laugh again and forget why we were arguing in the first place. He was the Sam to my Diane.
In the past year, he’s come to know me better than anyone (save for my brother). He knows when I’m angry, he knows when something is bothering me, he knows that “nothing” means everything, he knows what food I like and that I refuse to try new things, what my clothing style is, my favorite movies and TV shows, he knows what I stand for, he knows my goals and dreams, he knows I overthink everything… He knows me.
One year after this chapter was started, it’s come to an end. It feels right to just close the book now. Walk away. There is nothing left. There’s only so many times you can be disappointed by a person. Sure there might be something left to say that hasn’t been said yet, that could fix all this. But you were never good with that, and I honestly don’t know what I need to hear.
So, cheers. Thank you for a crazy/weird/emotional year. I never thought we would crash back into each other’s lives, or that the path we took would look like what it was. But here we are.
I’ll always remember that hot July night in the park with your arm around me, as fireworks exploded above us, feeling so lucky and happy and more than anything, hopeful.